By Sunday evening. Read. Needless to say, I liked it.
I related to so many areas of the book, I can hardly begin to tell you. First of all, Amy Julia Becker's daughter, Penny, was diagnosed with Down syndrome after birth, just like Kamdyn was. Reading someone describe their shock, fear, disbelief after that diagnosis hits pretty close to home for me.
She recalls moments like ones with the doctors, where she realizes, "They don't know what to say." with the "grim faces and somber tones."
I remember so clearly wanting to "run away. Far away. Now"
Reading this book felt like sitting down to coffee with an old friend, and listening to their story. And since there were so many parts of it that are similar to my own, at times, it felt like mine own, as well.
"Will I be able to be proud of her? Will I be able to love her?" "What if our families don't love her." were my exact fears, just as she recounts.
The way she recounts the events that took place has a flow and rhythm that had me intent to follow along. Her description of each stage of grief and acceptance was detailed and full of raw emotion. "Do you still want to name her Penny?" she asks her husband. Although I never vocalized my thought, I also wondered if we should still give our new baby the name "Kamdyn", that we had grown to love so much. I wondered if maybe I should give her a different name, because she did feel like a different child than the one I had carried.
Becker writes, "I could predict the emotions, but I couldn't access them. For now, I had to work it out in my head." I remember being so devastated, that I just wanted to crawl away. I didn't want to have visitors. I didn't want to take pictures. But I knew that I would get past the raw emotions. I knew that acceptance and peace were waiting for me, but I could barely sort out how I felt at the time. So I pushed myself to live. Breathe. Be. As much as I could, because I knew the only way to figure it out was to live it.
Becker articulates so clearly the evolution we experience as we grow, accept who our child is, and find our way through what we feel is loss to experience joy, fulfillment, and peace.
She writes, ".....our highs will be higher and our lows will be lower than most parents. That the joy will be more joyful, her accomplishment even more exciting. But the fear and sadness will be deeper too." So true. And as we have grown, watched Kamdyn grow, and learned who she is, the joy outweighs the fears.
My book is full of highlighted sentences that struck me and brought memories flooding back. I'm not a person who loves to read. I've admitted that before. But A Good and Perfect Gift is an easy read, and it will make you think about things in a light that leaves you with hope.
I love how she describes little things that her daughter did that make you realize as a parent that, sure there are some differences, but you still have a baby, like any other, who laughs and plays and brightens your day.
So, go ahead. Go get it. Read it. You know you want to. You can buy it at Amazon.com I think it would be a good Christmas gift for family and friends too.
To follow Amy Julia on her journey, you can check out her blog, Thin Places. In her latest blog, she recommends the book, The Year My Son and I Were Born, which is ironic, because I just finished that book last night. And let me tell you, it's another good one. So there's another review on it's way.
Lovely. Now I need to get that book too. Maybe get a "pleasure" read in the middle of all my research reading. I thought about not giving Cora that name too. When she was born I thought for a second that she couldn't be Cora. For a while that was my guiltiest memory of her birth. So glad she is my Cora though... And I can't picture Kamdyn with another name either.
ReplyDeleteI really like Amy Julia, and I LOVED the first 2 sections of her book. The last section of her book, however,made me feel like we lived completely different lives. However, for parents that have younger kids, this is it, this is the book! For those that have older kids, I would give a clear disclaimer ahead of time that Penny is very "high functioning." And she is not your typical kid with Down syndrome. Nichole is 4 and she cannot do what Penny did at age 2. It made me question if I was doing enough for Nichole.
ReplyDeleteBottom line, I would have loved to read her book when Nichole was first born.
I see what you mean. Kamdyn isn't doing the amount of signs that Penny was doing at such a young age, so I did feel a little that way too. All of our kids are different, though, with different strengths and weaknesses. It would definitely be a good book for new moms.
ReplyDeleteI got this book last week and devoured it. We found out prenatally that Kaylen would have Ds, but it was interesting to me that the emotional process was the same as in the book. I did have a little glitch of "Kaylen isn't even close to doing what Penny was at 1", but it was temporary and didn't spoil the book for me. It was very well-written and I would highly recommend it for new parents, also (whether their child has Ds or not).
ReplyDeleteKim C. in Colorado
I am going to have to read this book. Thanks for the review!
ReplyDeleteBeautiful book, wasn't it... Hey! Can you post the link to your review on the Alliance Facebook page? We can then post it to the Alliance blog, as part of the reviews section. Would that be all right?
ReplyDeleteSo many kids do so well in so many ways in their own time, the long term playing field is not level but early differences that seem unsurmountable do fade in months and years (like walking--generally inevitable but a wide range of when, regardless of tone and other medical issues).
ReplyDeleteBenji used two signs together (eat bread) without prompting yesterday, desperately trying to talk too. Food and Wetzels pretzels are high motivators!! ;)
Looking forward to reading it, thanks.
Benji is three yrs three months
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