Buddy Walk

On Saturday we had our Buddy Walk.  The park was filled with family, friends, supporters who were ready to walk.  There were far more people who were there to support than people with DS.  I thought about that day and the "walk", which was a rather short walk around the perimeter of the park.  It's not at all about the walk that day, but it's about the walk everyday.  We were there, because 5 months ago, we were tentatively thrust onto this track, and we started walking.  We had no choice but to walk.  And we've been walking it everyday since.  Those that were there with us that day were showing that even though they can't walk it for us, they are going to walk next to us and support us.  And that is amazing.

 Our team

There was no lack for activity with a moon bounce, slide, obstacle course, face painting, pumpkin painting, tattoos, puppet show, petting zoo, and food. There wasn't time to think about how I couldn't believe I was here or the turn of events that occurred in our lives 5 months ago. It was just pure joy and happiness. Everywhere you looked, you saw smiling faces. And every person we met was kind and supportive. We spoke with a husband and wife who have a teenage boy with DS. We talked about heart defects, open heart surgery and other things that have become common conversation with us since Kamdyn was born. She made a statement that I haven't felt much since April 27th. She said, "Everyone here understands. We know how you feel."

This walk on the road of disability, the road of differences, the road of health problems beyond your control can be a lonely one. Even though I know there are so many out there walking on the same road, we don't cross paths with many. I know that's why I need to get more involved in our local group. And I will.

It's been easy over these last two months to kind of push Down syndrome aside and not really think about it.  With all of the progress during therapy, improvements every week, along with not seeing a doctor or specialist, it has been easy to push it aside.  But with the Buddy Walk, Kamdyn's progress slowing down, and our next cardiologist appointment looming over our heads, I can't help but bring it back to the forefront again.  The reality of an impending open heart surgery is weighing heavy these days.  Madison came up to me while I was holding Kamdyn and handed me a perfectly traced heart that she had cut out as carefully as she could.  "This is for Kamdyn, because she has a hole in her heart," she said.  So I took that perfect little heart and taped it to the bathroom mirror to remind me that Kamdyn's little heart is in God's hands.  When he sees fit to make it like that perfect little marker drawn heart, He will. 

I guess I've been coming to another hard realization over these last few days.  Due to my competitive, all or nothing, gotta be the best nature, I had this thought Kamdyn would be the best little Downs kid out there.  She would prove all of the statistics and stereotypes wrong.  That maybe somehow she would have a normal life without many delays or disabilities.  But, the truth is, it's not going to happen.  In the beginning, that was my complete coping tool-- "It's not true, It's not going to happen, It's not right."  Well, I'm not there anymore, but I guess I still hold on to some of that.  And I guess that's somewhat how I'm still coping.  Denying the reality and just taking one day at a time.  Because to be perfectly honest, to think farther is terrifying. 

I'm still learning with each step I take on this walk.  And after this week, I realize that I've still got a long road ahead of me.  A road with much more healing, acceptance, and what I know most of all, love.  There are days when I feel lost, but there is one thing that brings me back.  That's like a bright light on a pitch black path.  And that is love.  I know how to love.  I know where to find love.  And I know that love is what drives us on and keeps us going.