Great expectations

A while back I did this post about expect not accept.  A few of you commented and left some insightful comments, and I appreciated that.  I still think about this a lot.  I still chew on these issues of Down syndrome, Kamdyn, the world, the future, and so on.  Not that I sit around at all hours of the day thinking about it, but it hits me from time to time, maybe after a comment on facebook, an article, something a friend or family member says, just little pokes here and there.

With each step of this journey, I am finding that I cannot move forward until I find out where I am on something.  It's like when Kamdyn was a baby, and I felt like Down syndrome was this intrusive being who came into my child and took away a piece of her.  It took me realizing that Down syndrome was not like a cancer who was eating away my daughter, but rather an added part of the genetic material that we gave to her.  Not in the sense that we gave it to her, and it's our fault, because it's not that way at all.  But in the sense that she is 100% from me.  She is my daughter, not Down syndrome's daughter, if that makes any sense.  It may seem ridiculous, but I had to come to a place of accepting this.

Now, that she is older, I have different questions.  The one I have found myself in more recently is how I want the world to see her.  And I don't mean the cruel, hateful people, who will never see her with any value.  I mean the people who we deal with day to day, week to week. 

And even something that may seem simple at first is full of dynamics for me.  I don't want people to see Kamdyn as the girl with Down syndrome, yet I don't want Down syndrome to be ignored, because it will certainly affect areas of her development, as it already has.  It will affect the way in which she learns things and how we teach her.  It will affect her speech and people's ability to understand and communicate with her.  It may affect other areas, but only time will tell.  So I grapple with how to approach this balancing act.

One day,  I was reading Becca's blog.  She wrote about something her husband said when he addressed the school board where their daughter attends school.  He said:

“My daughter did not choose to have Down syndrome, but she *does* choose to participate alongside her peers in reading, writing, playing and learning. This would not be possible without the support and love of the great team of special educators involved Samantha’s life.

Samantha and students like her have the right to be given the chance to fulfill their potential. Not just part way, but to the limit of what they are capable of achieving. Samantha loves to read books, she loves to learn her numbers and letters. She loves to play doctor and has told us numerous times that she wants to *be* a doctor. That may not be a realistic option, but at least give her the chance to try, and don’t restrict her education because of money and statistics. You have the opportunity to make the lives of these students exciting and less restrictive. They will have many challenges throughout their time in the school system. With your help, they may just surprise you all.”


And while I think I am far from coming to a conclusion on this matter that is my own head, because it will change and evolve over time, as everything does, I felt some insight after reading those words.  I want people to expect that Kamdyn will do everything that any other child will do.  I don't want her counted out, just because she has Down syndrome.  I don't ever want anyone to say, "Well, she does have Down syndrome."

I want to expect her to reach goals, and if she needs more time, we can adjust accordingly.  And one day, when she is an adult, I want the same thing. 


No one knows what the future will hold for her.  So I don't need anyone to tell me that Kamdyn will go to college, or get married, or drive a car, or have a job.  I like hearing about adults with Down syndrome who can do those things, because it gives me hope for what the future may hold, but no one can tell me what Kamdyn will do, because no one but God knows.    And even though I don't know, I still expect that she will do all of those things, because I have faith.  Sometimes there's a little grumpy faced guy in the back of mind, who whispers, But she might not.  I try to ignore him.  Dude is no good. 

Sure, we don't know how she will communicate.  We don't know what her abilities will be, but she should have the chance. 

And if the path of her life takes us to a place where she doesn't do those things listed above, it doesn't mean she failed or she is less valuable. It just means her value is in a different area.  We don't know what the future will hold.  We do know that we will push her to achieve whatever she is capable of.  My hope is that she will have every opportunity to show us what she is capable of.   My hope is that everyone who is a part of her life will believe in her.  My prayer is that God will protect her from the nay-sayers and the doubters.