It's a journey

Two years ago, I felt that when my child was given a diagnosis, a piece of her humanity was taken away when that diagnosis was added to the her file.  In the beginning, despite how many times I heard, "child first", I felt diagnosis first.  I couldn't help it.

There are a lot steps on the journey, and the next step isn't available until I conquer the one before me at that very moment.  Each step comes with its own challenges, its own fears, its own rewards, its own tears, its own joys.  With each step, I am thankful.  Thankful that I get to be one of the "lucky" ones, rather blessed ones, who gets to take it. 

 

I can think back on all the "steps" I have taken in these almost two years: 

• questioning if I was capable of loving my child, and if that love would be enough
• questioning why God would "do this" to us
• questioning how we would make it
• questioning why MY child had to have Down syndrome
• questioning why MY child would have to struggle
• fearing the future
• fearing what it means when a milestone is delayed
• realizing my love IS enough
• realizing that from the moment I had breath within me, I was meant to be this child's mother, just as I am with each of the children God has blessed us with.
• remembering every time God has provided for our family over the years and knowing it will work out
• realizing that Down syndrome is not my child, but it is a part of her.  To subtract anything from her would take away from who she is.  And she is perfect just the way she is.
• taking Kamdyn off of everyone else's time frames, and letting her be in "Kamdyn time".
• Knowing that the future is bright.

And while I know I have come a long way on this journey, I know I have so much further to go.

But for now, the next step has to do with helping educate doctors, genetic counselors, and pregnant mothers about Down syndrome.  I am very excited about this. 

I'm passionate about it. 

 

But I'm also very nervous about it.  To tell you the truth, I'm a little terrified.  I went to college, but I'm certainly no scholar or medical expert.  My goal is not come across as one, but I would like to leave the offices with up-to-date information and a positive impression of Down syndrome and what it is in our lives.

Say a little prayer and send up some good thoughts for me on Monday as I travel to the various OB/GYN offices in our area to deliver materials for them to provide to pregnant mothers, who received a prenatal diagnosis of Down syndrome.  I'll give an update afterward as to how things went.