I don't care if you don't mean it that way.

As many of you know, I've been on the preschool hunt for Kamdyn.  With that, we are in the process of transitioning out of Early Intervention.  It's hard to believe, but it is rapidly approaching.  Part of the transitioning process is an evaluation in order to determine what they feel is appropriate preschool placement.  At our last meeting, I gave consent for evaluations.  One of the evaluations is an IQ test done by a psychologist.  I was told that this evaluation was not necessary at this point, because she is so young, but I can have it done if I want.  At the time, I said, "NO THANKS."  Why would I want my 3 year old to be IQ tested.  I would never even imagine it with my other kids.  They are so young.  How can it be an accurate depiction, really????  Will this score be used against her later if we decided to go the school route and wanted full inclusion?  So my answer was no, because I didn't want a number assigned to my child.  She already carries around a diagnosis.  I didn't want a number too.

After that meeting, I went and looked at 2 typical preschools in our area, and I found one that I love.  It is everything that I could possibly want.  I can't imagine finding anything better.  The only issue is that we will have to pay for it, whereas she could go to a "special needs preschool" for free. So there begins the "how we gonna pay" conversation, and I was reminded about some funds, called "family driven funds" that will be available to Kamdyn when she is out of Early Intervention.

There's just one catch, though.  For her to get the funds, she needs to be evaluated by a psychologist and given the diagnosis of

mental retardation.

I'm not sure if someone who does not have a child with special needs can truly understand the weight I feel in my chest when I think of it being assigned to Kamdyn.  I know it doesn't really change
anything about Kamdyn or who she is, but it breaks my heart to think of that term attached to her.  Why?  Because we live in a society where people's perception of some one's value is based on the titles attached to them and the abilities that person has.  Is that right?  No, of course not.  We all have value, because we are all created in God's image by God.  We have value in the fact that we love and are loved.  So I read stories like this one about a doctor, that's right, a DOCTOR, and the parent of a teenager with Down syndrome, who immediately devalued some one's life, because of what HE determined her worth was.  She was mentally retarded, and that said it all to him. 

And then someone wants to flippantly throw around the term "retard" under the guise of "I don't mean it that way."  You want to throw it around like it doesn't mean anything.  It does mean something.  It means something to me and to her...................

I don't care if you mean it "that way" or not.  Don't use it. 

Every time I see or hear that word used, I literally feel sick, and my heart drops. You may say, "Well, you can choose what you're offended by, and you're taking it too personal." Actually, I can't choose how I feel about this. I literally have a physical reaction to that word. And every time I hear it, my heart breaks a little.