What's wrong with different?

When Kamdyn was born, and we learned that she has Down syndrome, it was an immediate game-changer in my mind.  I thought everything was going to be different: our lives, my relationship with my child, my kids' relationship with each other.  When I read about Down syndrome, and they said things about my baby just being a baby, and that she's not so different, I thought, What?!  Am I missing something?  Everything is different. My life will never be the same. 

Photograph by Emily Russell Photography.

As life settled in, and I found my niche as Kamdyn's mom, I started to understand more about this more alike thing.  Kamdyn was just a baby.  She ate, slept, pooped, slept some more.  But even though I was starting to understand a little more, I still couldn't help but notice the differences, as well.  I had 2 other babies before Kamdyn, and there were differences.  Kamdyn was in heart failure, we were teetering back and forth with the scary notion of open heart surgery, she choked when she ate, we could only lay her on a flat surface (how we didn't go home with oxygen is beyond me now but that's a different story), she needed a car bed, we hardly saw her eyes for the first couple of months, because she slept so much.  Heart failure will do that to a kid.  Even when her heart started doing better, there were therapy sessions, delayed milestones, low muscle, geneticist, eye doctor, cardiologist, and extra pediatrician appointments.  I loved Kamdyn so much.  I wouldn't want a life without her, but I still couldn't deny the differences.  But I thought that I was supposed to grab this "no different" attitude by the horns and proclaim it, because, after all, wasn't that what I wanted, for everyone to treat her normal?  We strive to be normal, right?  And I didn't want to be a bad Down syndrome mom.

Photograph by Emily Russell Photography.

On one hand, Kamdyn likes to color, watch TV, eat chips ("pips" as she calls them), play with toys, sing, and run away from mommy.  She's a typical toddler.  As she gets older, her interests will grow, she'll like boys, she'll learn things about life and academics, she'll have hobbies and interests, and she'll have family who she loves and who love her.  What's more alike than that? 

But being almost 3 years into this journey now, I can say that I could care less about being normal.  Kamdyn is different.  Her appearance with her almond eyes, flat nose bridge, and extremely small stature (the other day she stood next to an 18 month old, and they were the exact same size) is different.  But that difference doesn't take away from how beautiful she is.  Kamdyn is still a pretty brand new walker, because she's only been walking a couple of months.  That is different.  She has sleep apnea, laryngomalacia, two heart defects, reflux (we just found out the results from her barium swallow last week), and possible hearing loss.  A lot of kids may have one of those issues, but to have all of them is not typical.  But we deal with it, one thing at a time.  And while other kids her age are saying more than 50 words, combining phrases, and speaking in short sentences, we're pretty far off from that.  But she knows how to communicate with us, and so far, it's rare that we don't know what she wants.  That may change, and we'll deal with that when it comes.

There was a time when I would have been afraid to say there are differences, because I didn't want to be a bad Ds mom, and I didn't want to give anyone a reason to not value Kamdyn or have an excuse to destroy a baby because of Down syndrome. 

But now I say, what's wrong with being different?  Life isn't about being like everyone else.  It's about being yourself and being proud of it.



(Photograph by Amazing Graces Photography.  She specializes in photography for special needs kids)

Being different isn't bad. It's just different.  Let's embrace the differences and the likenesses.