My little bird spread her wings today (Kamdyn went to preschool)

When Kamdyn first started Early Intervention, and they were already warning me of "transition" and her going on to preschool, my response was, "There is no way she is going to preschool when she turns 3!"  But as the time neared, and I learned things about my daughter, what motivates her, how she learns, and what I wanted for her, the idea of preschool seemed like more of a possibility.  As a stay-at-home, homeschooling mom, it has been a difficult decision for me to send her, but in the end, I decided to go for it.

Kamdyn could have gone to the preschool that the county chooses and places kids with IEP's.  They are all usually kids with IEP's, maybe one or two without.  I visited 2 of them, and there was one that I liked, although it wasn't the one that they had planned to place Kamdyn.  They were nice classes, nice teachers, and Kamdyn could have received all of her therapies (all is in the every other week OT, once a month PT, and weekly Speech) at school.  They also have transportation available to and from preschool.  It certainly would have been convenient.

After weighing the reasons that I wanted Kamdyn to go to preschool, we decided that in order to reach those goals, we wanted to send her to a typical preschool.  Right now, Kamdyn is going to preschool two mornings a week at this preschool.  Her PT and OT will go to the school, and she does walk-in speech at a church near our house. 

Today was Kamdyn's first day.

I'm not going to lie, it was hard to take her.  I actually did not cry today, but I did yesterday.  Today, I just refused to think about the things that would make me cry, like the fact that Kamdyn has very little spoken language, and she can't tell me how her day was.  She can't tell me if someone was mean to her, or if something bad happened.  Her teachers don't know that when she says "key" she wants a cookie, or when she says "memo", she's saying Elmo.  They can't read her body language or her face like I can.  And no person (apart from God) in this entire world loves her like I (or her Daddy) do.  I've seen every milestone, every accomplishment.  (Ok, now I'm crying)  I've cried over ones that she struggled with, and I have cheered and celebrated, and shed happy tears over every one she has met.  And today, I gave someone else permission to experience that. 

But it's not just that, I realized yesterday, as I was shedding some tears over the thought of her big day today.  It's not just about going into preschool.  It's about her entire life:  how people will see her, treat her, value her, accept her.  It's the thought that the day will come where a child will choose not to play with her, because she's "different" or a parent won't invite her to their child's birthday party, or someone will make fun of her.  I can't completely protect her from heartache and hurt, and I know it wouldn't be healthy for her even if I could. 

I know that today was good for us both.  I need this extra push to remind me not to baby her, to let her grow up, and to expect her to do things that she is capable of.  And Kamdyn is going to benefit from time with other kids her age.  Kamdyn is a visual learner, and she is motivated by praise, and she loves to mimic.  My hope for preschool is that it will foster more of a desire toward independence (potty training, y'all!  We all know I need help) , push her to speak more and with more clarity, learn the typical preschool stuff (colors, shapes, numbers....) and of course, have fun and make friends.

Her book bag is from Pottery Barn.  It's the smallest one you can get, but it still almost knocked her over when she wore it.  It's the same book bag her big sister used when she went to preschool when I was pregnant with Kamdyn.

I picked out her outfit last night.  I wanted her to wear something comfortable, yet cute, that she could easily climb in if they went out to the playground.  So I chose this outfit (still a peanut in 18 month clothes).  It's a good thing I put so much thought into it, because she pooped 15 minutes after I left, and they had to change her outfit to the spare in her bag.  Haha.


I'm still not sure what my long-term plan is for Kamdyn's education.  I'm not sure if I should go the public school route or homeschool.  I'm ok with not knowing right now.  I think that Kamdyn will show us when the time comes, and we are going to take it year-by-year. 

This was right before I said goodbye.  She wasn't clingy, and she didn't cry at all when I left.  I think that's because she is used to us leaving her in the nursery at church.  She would not say bye to me, though.  I tried several times to get her to, but she wouldn't.  She does the same thing when I drop her off at the nursery at church.  I think it's her way of boycotting being left.  I'm relieved that she didn't cry.  That would have made it really hard.