From Awareness to Acceptance: on the playground

Over the summer, my kids started making some more friends in the neighborhood and one of those kids happens to have Autism.  Honestly, I know very little about autism.  I know several people who have autism, and they are all very different.  I'm happy that my kids have become friends with this other child.  It's also been an opportunity for us to have some more conversations about disability, and it's allowed me to learn some things along the way about talking to my kids about disability.

I think that parents need to have more conversations with their kids about disability.  It needs to stop being this awkward topic that we shoosh our children about.  Disability is a natural part of life, and we should be more open about it.

Here's a few things that I have realized over the last few months in the conversations that I have had with my children:

1.  Do not use disability as an excuse for bad behavior.

My children have enjoyed becoming friends with this other child in our neighborhood, but that friendship has not come without challenges.  There are times when there is frustration over something that is said or confusion over a harsh reaction.  It caused me to think about how I want people to deal with Kamdyn's inappropriate behavior.  We could either say, "Well, ya know, she does have Down syndrome.  So everyone is just going to have to be more forgiving."  Or we could say, "Kamdyn should not have done that inappropriate or unkind thing that she did.  She has a disability, and that may cause her to have difficulty in understanding something right away or coping in certain situations, so we need to keep reminding her about the appropriate way to react or treat others, etc..."  I don't want anyone dismissing Kamdyn's bad behavior, because she has a disability.  I do want understanding and patience in helping her to learn how to behave properly.

2.  Teach your child to defend those who are being picked on.

Just today, I was so proud of Madison when I heard her defend a neighborhood boy, because another boy was making fun of him for riding a girls bike.  She said something like, "Who cares?! It's just a bike!"  Teaching them to defend others is also teaching them how to defend themselves if the need arises.  We teach our kids that they do not need to respond harshly or in an unkind way, but they can still defend themselves and others.  

3.  Teach your child to be a friend to everyone.

This seems pretty obvious to me.  But one thing that I have been doing recently is making up pretend situations and talking about what the appropriate way to respond or thing to say is.  Or talking out situations that have happened and how they could have been handled better.  How could we have been a better friend to that person?  On a side note, if there is a child that has a disability in your child's class, please do not exclude them from an event or birthday party.  They want to be invited to.

4.  Be positive while explaining disability to your children.

Kids ask questions.  They ask a lot of questions.  Please do not turn disability into something shameful that is wrong with a child.  Kamdyn is not sick. She is not a person to be pitied.  She has more to overcome than the average person, and she has challenges that are real and evident, but there is nothing wrong with her.  Make your conversations about disability as positive as possible.  Focus on the good things or strengths that you know about that person.  Explain that everyone has challenges, and we should be a good friend by encouraging that person and including them.  

5.  If you wouldn't be comfortable saying it about your own child, don't say it about another child.

Do you want someone saying that your child is retarded?  Probably not.  So don't say it about another child, even if they have a disability.  As most people are aware by now, that word is offensive and hurtful.  I also shy away from saying that Kamdyn takes longer to learn things.  She may take longer to learn some things, but I don't know yet what that entails.  Am I limiting her if I tell other kids that she takes longer?  She may not take longer to learn certain things, and she may be able to have talents or abilities that are better than her peers.  Have you seen these artists with Down syndrome from this school in Mexico? Or some really talented actors with Down syndrome?   Or talented athletes? And on and on.....

I'm still figuring out how I am comfortable with describing Down syndrome and what it means for Kamdyn.  I don't even know all of what it means for her yet.  I am learning as I go.  What are some things that you say to describe Down syndrome?  What questions have people asked you about it?  How did you answer?