On baby Leo's mom

When I first read the story about the Armenian family who gave birth to a baby boy, Leo, with Down syndrome, my heart broke.  My heart broke that baby Leo's mom had decided to give up her son and divorce her husband for keeping the baby instead of sending him to an orphanage to live out his days.  The natural reaction for any mother or father is to wonder how any parent could make such a choice.

But we are forgetting that not long ago American families were making the same choice.  Children with Down syndrome were not raised in homes.  They were raised in mental institutions.  And unfortunately, this is what is still happening around the world.

When a mother gives birth to a baby and doctors see that the baby has Down syndrome, they immediately tell her that she should send the child away.  She is told that she cannot care for the child, and he will be a burden to her family and will not be accepted by society.  All the while, this mother is also very aware that her child will be shunned by her family and community.  If the mother is working, who would care for the baby while she is away?  What school will accept him when he is old enough to go?  Probably none.  And how will she afford to pay for the medical bills that she imagines will be great?

Hours after the mother has given birth, she is pressured to make a decision.  She must immediately decide what she will do.  Keep the baby and face the unknown or send the baby away as all of the doctors and medical professionals are suggesting and pressuring her to do???

This situation plays out again and again and again across the world.  This is why there are so many children with Down syndrome in orphanages across the world.  Even if they want to keep their baby (which I realize that there are some who do not want to), they don't think that it's a possibility.  Are they going to trust their heart or the qualified medical professionals who are telling them that keeping the child would be wrong for them and the child?

In this case, dad decides he wants to keep the baby while mom doesn't (although that is not what her side of the story is).  Is dad a hero?  I'll let you make that determination, but I all I ask are these things:  If mom was keeping the baby and dad was leaving, would she be a hero?  Would dad be made out to the villain like she is right now?  I supported a mom, right here in the United States of America, not long ago who was being kicked out of her apartment for not aborting her baby with Down syndrome.  This situation still happens, even in the US.  My other question is: Would dad be a hero if baby Leo didn't have Down syndrome?

While I don't think it's right for a mother (or father) to abandon their child, my heart also breaks for baby Leo's mom, because I know the inner turmoil that she went through when her baby was born with Down syndrome.  I know all of the doubts, fears, and heartache that she felt.  Because I felt it too.  At the time, the only pain that I could imagine would be comparable would be a death.  The difference between us is that everyone told me I can do this.  And everyone told her that she couldn't.

Yes, she has  made a mistake, and I believe it is a big mistake.  But we also don't know all of the circumstances that surround the decision that she has made. Maybe the relationship between these 2 was coming to an end, and she feels like the baby would have a better life in New Zealand with the dad's family, and it is best to let him go.  Maybe she was not asked or welcome to go along with dad and baby (as she claims).  We don't know the whole story.

What we do know is that a woman's lowest and most vulnerable moment, probably of her life, was broadcast for all the world to see and judge.  And it was done by the person that you are supposed to be able to trust the most in the world, her husband.  So instead of villianizing her, maybe we should try to support and encourage her.

If she, by some small, miracle of a chance, reads this, let me be the first to tell you, from one Ds mama to another, you CAN do this.  It's not too late.  Your baby needs his mom.  He needs YOU.

And if we want to see this type of thing change, I don't believe the answer is in shaming and judging these parents.  And it's not making parents who keep their baby a hero either.  The answer is in supporting them, getting services in their countries that will support their children as they grow up and when they become adults, and changing the perception of Down syndrome around the world.  That is the only thing that will make these stories a thing of the past.

Baby Leo deserves to have a mom and a dad, and it breaks my heart to think of all of the blessings that this mom will miss out on if she isn't a part of his life.  So I hope that she will make an effort to stay in his life, and I hope that dad lets her.