If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all

I'm not going to try to sound like I'm this saint who never loses it or says something I shouldn't , because I do. You can ask my husband. Sometimes I let my sharp tongue fly and say things I shouldn't. I am working on it, however.

Maybe it's just me, but that sharp tongue seems to reveal itself much easier with people I love than it does with a stranger. When a stranger says something rude or cruel, I just stand there, mouth hanging open, completely dumbfounded to what was just said. In that moment, I am always blank.


When I was pregnant with Austin, I worked as a cashier at Weis. Cashiers take a lot of abuse. People are rushing in after work or on a busy weekend, and they take their frustration out on that person ringing up their groceries. Maybe they're mad, because they couldn't find the sauce they wanted, or they had to wait in line, who knows. I had a few less than pleasant experiences. There was a man, who was in a rush, and proceeded to tell me that he didn't expect much out of me, because I was just a minimum wage worker. There was also a lady, who looked me into the eyes, smiled, and said, "You're stupid." And it wasn't a nice or even a sarcastic comment. It was pure anger and rudeness. Do you know what I did? Did I tell them off or spout off some witty comment like I was on a Seinfeld episode. No. I smiled and said, "Have a nice day." Certainly I could have come up with something. But no.


I would actually get angry at myself for not saying something. I even asked Brad to help me think of things to say. I could not understand why I was that way. Well, now I know.


When Kamdyn was about six weeks old, a woman at a department store struck up a conversation with me. As our chat continued, I told her that Kamdyn has Down syndrome. Immediately, the woman's body language and facial expression changed. She peered into the stroller at my sweet, sleeping baby with this look of judgement and pity that I will never forget. "Didn't you know while you were pregnant," she said. "No, I didn't. I have never done that testing during my pregnancies," I responded. "Oh, so you wouldn't have, you know?" she says. I could not believe that some one could stand there, looking at my baby, and ask these questions like she was a mistake. A mistake that should have been fixed. She told me about her pregnant daughter, who had all of the testing, and it came back clear. I smiled and calmly told her that I would keep my baby no matter what, so I didn't need to take any test. It wouldn't have changed anything.  I walked away and cried afterward, but I was cool as a cucumber during our conversation.

Madison can sit and color for hours.  She was so proud tonight when Kamdyn wanted to watch her.  She adores her baby sister.

I know that God made me that way, because he doesn't want me to be sharp tongued or quick to anger. Even if someone judges Kamdyn or makes a rude comment, he wants me to respond with love. Because that person simply doesn't know, and how can I show them if not through love. I don't know if I will ever forget that man and that woman from the grocery store. Those words have stayed with me. That's what words do. They leave an impression. They make an impact. I want to use my words to make change for the good, to change judgements. I want my words to lift up. Maybe no one will remember exactly what I said, but if it leaves a positive, uplifting impression, that's all I want.

The reaction from that woman at the store is not something we encounter often.  Most people are very supportive and positive.  But I think most people are also very uncomfortable with people with a disability.  They don't know what to say or how to act.  They don't want to stare.  So they ignore.  I hope that we can help people accept, not by ignoring, but by embracing.  I hope that everyone who meets Kamdyn can see how much in common they actually have with her. 

Having a child with a disability brings new challenges, but we are still happy. Our life is not a tragedy or a disappointment. A tragedy would be not to have Kamdyn. We are blessed. We love our life.  That's what I want people to know.