soon to be under construction and another Orioles game

I've been battling for a few weeks now.  It started a few weeks ago, on July 4th to be exact, as the kids piled out of the van and I yanked Kamdyn's car seat out.  After everyone was out, I turned, and the first people to meet my eyes were my mother in law's friends, who have a baby almost the exact age as Kamdyn.  I watched as his mom chased him, while he ran from her, giggling.  You know, that thing that drives you nuts when you have a toddler- the constant chasing.  And as I watched him grin and run, I looked down at the car seat I held with my beautiful sleeping baby in it, and it hit me.  That is exactly what she is-  a baby.  She is a month older than this toddler, but she is still a baby.  Don't get me wrong,  I enjoy the phase we are in with Kamdyn.  The extra snuggles, hugs, cuddling, rocking, still needing me, but that "Comparison Monster" will sneak up on you, when you are least expecting it.  I certainly didn't think that seeing someone else's toddler would cause me to run to my husband and sob.  Then, as quickly as it hit, I was over it. 

I am finding, however, that Kamdyn's progress is slowly falling behind her peers more and more.  And I know in my head that I cannot compare her to anyone, because she is her own person, and she will do things in her own time.  But it's hard at times. 

I went shopping with my mother in law, and someone smiled at Kamdyn and asked how old she is.  They were shocked when I told them she was almost 14 months old.  This in itself is a pretty common occurrence.  Kamdyn's sunshine smile and sweet personality attract attention all the time, but I don't always mention that she has Down syndrome.  If the questioning persists to "How early was she?"  or "Wow, she is so little?"  than I might respond that she has Down syndrome.  And while I don't mind telling people, I often feel like I should not have told them afterward.  When I get the response of "Sorry" or the look of pity, I doubt my decision to mention Down syndrome.  In that moment, I feel like I have taken away from who she is, because that person no longer sees the beautiful ray of sunshine who is lighting our lives with love.  They see a baby with Down syndrome.  But at the same time, maybe it has changed their perception a little.  Maybe they will have a more realistic view of a baby like Kamdyn.  In reality, I'm sure that I give this way more thought than that person ever does.  They may never even think of it again.  Or maybe one day they will get pregnant with a baby with Down syndrome, and Kamdyn will come back to their mind.  Who knows? 

Pop Pop and Kamdyn at the Orioles game

And with all of this, I have been thinking a lot lately of what I want my place to be in this community of Down syndrome.  Some people pride themselves in being the fierce advocate, who lobbies and educates.  Others pride themselves in living their lives as they always have, with Down syndrome only being a minute part of their life.  So what do I want my place to be?  Where do I want to fit in? 

At this point in our lives, I do feel like Down syndrome is a big part.  Does it mean that my life revolves around Down syndrome, that I don't think about anything else, or that I don't enjoy the things I always have.  Certainly not.  I still watch Women's World Cup Soccer (but don't get me started on that), take my kids to the zoo, ride roller coasters (as you know if you follow this blog), and do everything I have always enjoyed. 

With everything we are juggling right now, however, Down syndrome has a big role.  We are planning a trip to Texas for the national Down syndrome convention in a few weeks.  We have committed to helping with our local group's Buddy Walk this year, and we are helping with fundraising.  We sent out 5 corporate sponsor letters as well as calls to local businesses for gift card and product donations.  For someone who does not like being on the phone and gets annoyed with telemarketers, calling businesses was not an easy feat.  Thankfully, my efforts have paid off, and I have several donations to date.  We are also hosting 2 fundraiser nights at local Pizza Huts in the next two weeks to raise money toward our personal fundraising goal of $2,500. 

So all of that has brought me to question where I am, and even what direction I want to go with this blog.  I started this blog after Kamdyn was born, because I felt like I had a story to tell, and I wanted to tell it.  But I have also made it abut our family, our every day lives, and that will never change.  But I have also decided, in staying true to where we are right now in our journey, I want to dedicate more to just Kamdyn.  I'll probably be playing with some ideas over the next few weeks, adding some new pages and such,  and I would like to get up some more specific information about doctor's appointments, therapies, and development.  The good news is that my efforts will include more photos and videos of Kamdyn.


We went to another Orioles game on Friday night:

This kid has a natural swing.  I think we need to get him playing some t-ball next year.

Nan Nan bought Madison and Austin rain boots, and the first couple of days, Austin wore his all the time.  We didn't know if it was a good idea to let him wear them to the game, because it was hot, but he wanted to wear them.  So I said ok, and he strutted them proudly the whole time.  The thing that won out in my mind was that one day, we will not remember the game, who won (although the O's lost), or what plays were made.  But we will remember Austin showing off his bumblebee boots.

Fireworks to finish off the night.