Why is she being a wallflower?

Naturally, with Kamdyn's birthday coming up, we are planning a party.  Madison agreed to have a joint party again, so we'll be celebrating them together, which is nice since their birthdays are a week apart.  It was easy to decide who Madison would invite.  She has her group of best friends.  But with Kamdyn, I can't ask her who she wants to come.  So I picked a couple of friends, and then I thought it might be nice to invite someone from school.  When I asked her teacher if there were any girls in her class that she really liked playing with or seemed to have a connection, she said no.  She said that Kamdyn is still playing parallel with the other kids but not really engaging with them so much.  And when I thought about it, there really isn't anyone I can think that she is excited to see or seems to really like playing with. 

So that makes me wonder.  Am I doing her a disservice by not having her in school with more kids with disabilities?  Is it setting her apart too much to have her in a class where she is the only child that has one?  Would she make connections and friendships easier in a different educational environment?  I know she can make those connections, because she's made them with us.

 

At her IEP meeting, her itinerant teacher told me that Kamdyn is basically a wallflower at school.  WHAT!?  This kid! The one who is SO full of personality and spunk is a wallflower. 





She won't participate in the part of circle time where they spell out each child's name.  Her teacher assures me that she knows her name, because she immediately puts her head down when she sees her name.  She won't even lift her head.  She also told me that when she first started working with Kamdyn, she would have to remind the other kids not to tell her the answers.  And the other kids would have to be reminded not to help her with certain things that we wanted her doing on her own.  Maybe the other kids (even if not consciously) don't see her as an equal?  Her teacher also commented on an instance where Kamdyn warmed up to her and spoke in a normal volume and not just a whisper.  That is very much not like her. 

It may seem silly, but since Kamdyn can't communicate much, I have to rely on her actions, behaviors, and cues to tell me what is going on.  Maybe she isn't comfortable?  Or maybe it just takes more time?  I know some of this is normal kid behavior, and she's not going to be as comfortable other places as at home.  That's what home is for.  But it sounds like her behavior is very off of what it normally is.

These are all things that I'm considering as this school year ends, and I start to think about what is best for her for next year.  If anyone has an insight or experiences, I am happy to hear them.  Thanks : )