Challenges

I think there are challenges with any child.  I could start writing some of the challenges that I have faced with my children over the years or challenges that are going on right now, and I could probably go on and on and on.  I can remember back to when Madison was younger and how she challenged me on EVERYTHING.  She wanted independence and freedom, but there were some times when it wasn't the right time to exercise them at that moment or she just physically couldn't and needed help, even though she didn't want help.  I can think back to Austin and his wandering and running off and how frustrating that could be (and still is since he still does it sometimes).  And now, here I am with Kamdyn dealing with a lot of those same behaviors.  If there is a difference that I notice, it would probably be that she is at the height of these at an older age than they were, and these behaviors seem to last longer.  Like the colossal mess-making phase.  I think we are on the up-end of that and will come out of it soon, but WHEW! did that last long.  Am I alone on that one?  Tell me no, please!



For me the thing that has been difficult about a lot of these behaviors is the lack of communication.  Of course, I correct Kamdyn, and I tell her not to do certain things or what she should be doing.  I praise her for things like walking into the house without running away down the side walk.  But when the communication isn't reciprocated, you start to wonder if the child is getting it.  Do they have any idea what I'm saying?  Am I correcting/disciplining/talking to a kid who isn't getting me?  The thought of disciplining Kamdyn and her not understanding why has been a challenge for me.  It would make me second guess what I'm doing.  And at times, it has allowed her to get away with things that she knows she's not supposed to do.

And along with that, there's that feeling that I am totally going to mess this kid up.  Don't we all feel that way about all of our kids?  Are there nights when you go to bed, and you think, "Oh man, I am totally going to screw this kid up.  They are going to need therapy one day!"  Thankfully, tomorrow is a new day, and we aren't really going to mess our kids up.  We're all humans who lose our patience, forget things, get exhausted and just let them have all the candy they want so they'll leave us alone for a bit.  But I think the difference for many moms of kids with special needs is that we are told over and over again not to lower our expectations. We are told that if we give our kids x,y,z and do a,b,c they will grow to be really successful.

And all of the pressure is put on us, isn't it, mamas?



We start to feel that if we don't do the right thing, get the right therapy, get enough therapy, get them in the right school, and on and on, we are doing them a disservice that could hold them back or set them back.  As you meet more and more individuals with Down syndrome and watch your own child grow and learn, you come to realize that our kids are, in fact, very unique.  They really do have their own strengths and weaknesses.  There are kids with Down syndrome who are much younger than Kamdyn and speaking in complete sentences and way more advanced in their speech and language skills than Kamdyn is right now.  There was a time that I would have thought that we didn't get her enough therapy, or I didn't work with her enough.  But that is not the case.  That is just an area that Kamdyn has to work harder than that other child.  Just like math clicks for some people and doesn't for other people.  It doesn't mean that person can't learn math.  It just may take them more time, practice, and work.

These challenges have definitely been a catalyst to get me thinking more and being more creative.  I actually sat down to write this post the other day.  It basically became a gripe fest, and I deleted it.  I was ready to pull my hair out, because every single time I had to get Kamdyn in and out of the car, she would not cooperate.  We are in and out of the car multiple times a day on some days, so after a couple times, it gets old.  I was telling her over and over until I was blue in the face to "Get in YOUR seat."  And EVERY time, she would climb into the car and sit in one of my other kids' seats.  So the day after I deleted the gripey post, we walked out to the car, and I said, "Kamdyn, do you want to watch the movie in the car?"  "Yes!" she responds.  So I say, "Okay! If you want to watch the movie, you have to get in YOUR seat.  If you don't get in your seat, you don't get the movie."  She did not get into her own seat, and I had to tell her that she couldn't watch the movie since she didn't do it.  Since then, she has climbed into her own seat every single time.

So sometimes it really is just that simple, and I'm the one who is making it difficult.