Just let her in

When you become a parent of a child with a disability, a lot of things that you never even realized are suddenly opened up to you.  You realize that there is this whole, amazing, supportive community that you never realized existed.  You realize that there are people doing amazing things right under your nose that you never knew about.  And you realize that there is still so much in the world that needs to change in order to accept and include people with disabilities.

I never realized how difficult some things were for people with disabilities.  I just assumed that there was always support, services, and programs for disabled children.  After all, there is Special Olympics and Special Education, and that should be good enough, right?  I didn't realize how a lack of inclusion and accessibility affected people.  But you don't have to be a parent of a disabled child for long to realize how inaccessible the world is to your child.

You can no longer walk into a daycare and just enroll your child.  You can't walk into a ballet studio or a gymnastics class and sign your child up for classes.  You can't call the preschool down the street and just enroll your child. Because they may not take your child because of their disability.  All except for one recent incident, I always asked ahead of time before I attempted to sign Kamdyn up or have her participate in a new activity.  I was made very aware of my mistake when they didn't want to accommodate her.

When I was looking for preschools, I called every one in our area and specifically asked them if they accepted children disabilities before I went to observe them.  One said that it wasn't a good fit before they even met her.  It wasn't a decision made based on her abilities or medical concerns.  They just didn't want a child with a disability.  I recently started thinking about the possibility of Kamdyn starting ballet or sports.  I asked Madison's ballet studio if they take kids that have disabilities like Kamdyn. (They said they did)  I don't think Kamdyn is ready for organized sports yet and all of the special needs programs are too far from us, so  I'll have to wait and contact the sports programs in our area, when the time is right, and see if they will allow her to participate.

And that needs to change.

No one knows a child better than their parents.  When Austin was 4, I felt like he was ready to sign up for soccer, so I signed him up.  He was a little young, and he probably could have waited another year, but he did ok.  We also signed Madison up.  She hated it, and she was miserable.  The next year, she wanted to try again, so we let her.  Once again, it wasn't for her.  So we didn't sign her up again. It wasn't good for her, and we (as her parents) were capable of figuring that out.  A parent knows what their child is capable of and if they are ready to participate in something.  So if I feel like my disabled child is ready for something, that should be sufficient.  We shouldn't have to place our child on trial to prove why we think they are ready.  And if some modifications or accommodations are needed, is it really the end of the world to allow them?

Maybe some of you are thinking, Geez, get over it.  Your kid has a disability.  They don't call it "special needs" for nothing!

And my response would be, trust me, I am well aware of my child's special needs.  I sit in meetings, read evaluations that reduce my child to a number, read reports that detail the most ridiculous and common childhood behaviors, and study disability law for hours.  I know exactly what my child's "special needs" are.  But does that mean she can't walk on the same balance beam as another child or dance on the same stage for a recital?  Does it mean she shouldn't be allowed to play on the same court or field with a non-disabled child?  Does it mean that the social skills that are learned from participating in these activities: team work, sportsmanship, and friendships, aren't as beneficial to her?  I hope you would answer no to these questions.

So just let her in.  Just include her.  Give her a chance.  No one wants their child to succeed more than their parents.  Trust that we have the best intentions for our children, and that we are not trying to ruin your program,  We just want our child to be included.

I realize most of the people reading this can probably understand this, and I haven't been writing much lately, but this is something that has been on my mind for a while.