The same, but different

I'm reading a book called Gifts right now. Its stories of mothers who have babies with Down syndrome. They tell about their experience of finding out their baby had Down syndrome. None are exactly like mine, but several express similar feelings or experiences. Maybe I'll share mine someday.
When I found out Kamdyn has Down Syndrome, one of my fears was life would never be the same. The fear of the unknown was terrifying. After my other babies, I spent the first six weeks adjusting to a new baby and a new routine. Since Kamdyn was born theres been a lot of researching, doctor's appointments, phone calls to different organizations and networks, physical therapy, along with adjusting to a new schedule and routine. It has changed life in many ways. But more than anything else, loving her has changed my heart. It has opened my heart in a way I didn't know was possible. I appreciate all of her little accomplishments right now: gaining weight, lifting her head.

I think more about all the cliche things I used to say, even though I didn't mean anything by them. "As long as the baby is health"-- well, wouldn't you love your baby even if she wasn't healthy. Of course, you would. "I'm not having that testing done, because it doesn't matter what it shows"-- well, it does matter. It does change your life. My goal now is to give her every opportunity available. I want her to be loved and accepted by the world, even though I know its not possible for "everyone" to acccept her.
I was talking to someone about the future. And they made a comment about Kamdyn going to a class with mentally handicapped people. Even though in my head I know she has a disabilty, my heart still won't accept that. I want her to be with everyone else!! I want her to be treated like anyone else. I don't want people to think of her as handicapped. I still even have that mentality sometimes. But I have to remind myself that I have no idea what she is capable of. So why not just reach for the stars and be grateful and happy for every accomplishment. It is confusing to want to treat her like everyone else and not stereotype when all you hear is about how different she is. How she has to work harder at everything. How she has to see specialists and therapists. That's my challenge right now. Get that "different"mentality out of my head and follow my heart.

With that being said. My life is still the same. It's filled with my kid's noise, sometimes crying over a boo boo and sometimes shrieks of happiness. I make the meal and then clean it up. Doing the laundry, dishes, and so on. But at the same time, it has taken a new direction. I have new goals, new dreams, new fears. So it is the same, but different.