pink

A mother gives up a lot for the sake of motherhood and her children.  While I don't think my entire being needs to be immersed in my children, the truth is that most of it is.  Certainly, I need some things to myself, even if it is just a hot, quiet shower or going to the bathroom by myself.  My identity is not in my children, but they have certainly shaped who it has become.  And there is nothing wrong with that.  Because one day, Madison and Austin will be grown up and gone, and Brad and I will be on our own, with Kamdyn in tow,  to figure each other out again. 

In the meantime, I want to immerse myself into this privilege of motherhood.  When the background music is screaming children, fighting over a toy, I have to go the bathroom so bad I'm about to pee my pants, dinner is on the stove, and a baby needs nursed; I'll remind myself that this is the most amazing responsibility and privilege that anyone could have.  In those mundane everyday moments, those little ones are watching.  What is mommy going to do?  Am I going to hold it together or lose it?  And they notice.  They are learning their attitudes and responses from mine.  That is pretty terrifying.  There are many moments of indiscretion that I hope that they forget.   I pray that we can instill a character and attitude that will help them to love life and live for God.  I pray that they would be glass is half full, optimistic, positive, cheerful people as they grow.


Since I can barely get Austin to stand still long enough to take his picture these days, let me just take this opportunity to talk about how much I love my girls.  I was never a girly-girl growing up, actually quite the contrary.  I avoided anything girly like it was dirty and disgusting.  I was mortified every Christmas when my grandmother gave me a doll.  I'm not really sure exactly when it happened or how, because when I was very young my favorite color was pink, and I loved Barbies and cabbage patch kids.  My mom even painted my entire room pepto pink as a surprise.  Somewhere along the line, I turned.  Maybe it was the two rough brothers, or the crazy obsession with soccer and all other sports.

With that said, I love enjoying all of the girly things with my girls.  Painting nails, doing hair, wearing pink like it's a must-have accessory for every outfit, believing with all her heart that she really is a princess- I love it all.  Since I endlessly begged (my single mom)  for a sister, I am thrilled that my girls have each other.  I wonder sometimes what Madison and Kamdyn's relationship will be like, because while they are still just sisters, I know that there will be a different dynamic between them.  I wonder if Madison will go through a time when she is embarrassed, or if she will just feel the responsibility to protect and nurture Kamdyn.  One thing is for sure, even though they will fight as all siblings do, I know that there will be a love present that will always prevail.

With no further ado, my girls.

I am blessed.