Good bye 2010

I'm a little sad to say good bye to 2010.  Everything that God brought us in 2010 has changed me and blessed me in such a way that I'm sad to leave it behind.  I don't know how else to say it other than that this year changed my life.  Our journey with Kamdyn has been a profoundly beautiful walk.  Our life was always beautiful, but I didn't see it.  Now, I see it, right there in front of me, everyday.  That is what 2010 will always be.

I don't ever want to forget those days in April of 2010 when Kamdyn was brought into our lives.  Right now, I can still remember them vividly, like a tape playing in my head.  I can still see myself curled up in my bed, sobbing, feeling so scared.  The first time that I was solo with the kids after Kamdyn was born plays back in my mind.  I sat on the couch, sobbing as I held Kamdyn, while Madison and Austin ran around.  I felt so lost, like I didn't even know who I was, and being alone was unbearable.  I think I remember them so fondly now, because I can see where I was and where I am now.  I was afraid of the future, of not being able to love Kamdyn enough, of not being strong enough.  Now, I've learned to just take one day at a time.  Now, I know that my love for her is unconditional, and she is the light of my life.  While I may not be strong enough to handle whatever life may bring, I know that God is strong enough to get me through and give me joy in the process.

So to 2010, I say, good bye, dear friend.  You will be relived often, looked upon fondly much, and always cherished.

As for 2011, I can't wait to see what you bring.  In you, my little princess Madison will turn 5 and start kindergarten.  We will venture our first steps into this unknown world of home schooling.  Kamdyn will sit up, crawl, and we'll work on walking.  And who knows, maybe she will.  But if not, that's ok too.  I can't even think about Austin turning 4, since he just turned 3 less than a week ago.  I know there will be new memories as we forge into this new year.  Those pages that are blank now, will be written on.  And it's going to be beautiful.