26 days and counting

With Kamdyn's birthday less than a month away now, I find myself already going back to those early days.  I find myself thinking of this face.

I remember the feeling of my heart breaking.  I remember the knife in my gut every time I looked at her with her little tongue hanging just at the tip of her mouth.  I remember looking at her ears over and over, hoping, wishing that the soft, bent tissue at the top of her ear did not mean anything. 

I went back and read her birth story post today.  It's funny how your mind can evolve over time.  I saw a couple of grammar mistakes that I fixed, but I also noticed that I called Down syndrome, "Downs" twice.  And while it is not personally offensive to me for it be called "Downs", I feel like it shows a lack of knowledge and awareness more than anything.  So I changed those two words, but I didn't change anything else, because I want to stay true to the feelings that I had at that point. 

While reading it reminds me of those feelings, it also reminds me of something else that is much more powerful.  It reminds me of the peace and comfort that God can bring to my heart.  And it reminds me of the power of love, that was so much stronger than any fears that I had.  I look at Kamdyn today, and I just thank God that He gave her to us.  I'm thankful for all of those feelings, and the process of change that they brought in our lives.

Happy birthday month, Kamdyn.  And I hope you all won't mind as I pretty much go on and on about it : )